Emotions....

Seems like lately I have been all over the place with my emotions.

I miss my family a lot,

missing them makes me sad.

Then I get angry with Hubby... he not being able to fill the hole of my family.

It's really not fair to him,

unfortunately he's the only person I vent my frustrations to.

I found myself crying last night,

and let me tell you I hate to cry.

I am not a crier at all.

I blamed my all my sadness and frustrations on Hubby,

which again isn't fair.

I mean I wasn't just crying for my family

I was upset with some things Bret has done...or not doing. haha

Upset with myself for what I am and not doing as well.

Bret came home for lunch today knowing I was still upset from last night.

As always he has to pry what I'm really feeling out of me.

I was refusing to talk to him,

then finally I let it all out.

I feel so much better now it's all out.

Yes I miss my family still

Yes life isn't easy

Yes I struggle to even want to get out of bed sometimes.

Yes life isn't magically going to get better anytime soon.

But I can change my attitude.

I wrote a song just recently to help pick myself up.

I'm glad I wrote it, 

I feel better when I do play and sing the words that are really just for me.

Music always helps me.

Mindy Gledhill I think was my savior today as well. haha

Her Anchor album is just so happy.

You can't feel sad when you listen to it,

thank heavens for uplifting music!

I'm listening to her now with a smile on my face.

Landon even asked me "mom does this music make you happy?"

Yes Landon it does.

I want to be a good mom and wife,

often times I feel I'm failing.

Whether I am failing or not I do know I few things for sure

I know my children love me

I know my Hubby loves me

I know my family loves me

I have wonderful friends who love me as well.

I am so grateful to have such amazing people in my life helping me along.  

I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life,

thankful for forgiveness

mercy

peace

love

all that comes along with having the gospel in my life.

Especially knowing there is a true and loving Savior watching out for me,

and helping me along.