Molar Pregnancy...What the What???

My life in the past 9 months has been all over the place.

I'm a busy mom of 4 children.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate all the time.

Demands constantly coming at me.

Cleaning always to be done.

Needs always to be met

Sacrifices to be made

Day in and out.

Don't get me wrong I love being a mom and wife.

I love my husband and children.

But it's not easy taking care of all of them! haha

Then last summer happened.

I had been trying to get pregnant for a year.

Then finally a pregnancy test came out positive!

I was so excited.

I had several friends and a sister-in-law who were pregnant at the time too.

All our babies would be born within months of each other!

I can't tell you how thrilled I was.

I set up my 8 week doctors appointment. 

I had more cramps, and pains than I had compared to my previous pregnancies.
So, I wanted to get in asap.
Normally I wait until I'm 4 months along to go to the Obgyn.

I was nervous.

And rightly so.

The doctor did an ultra sound and there was no baby!
I was sitting there...like what?

I had a few more tests done while I was at the doctor's office.
I sat there by myself in the room trying not to cry.
Then the doctor came in and confirmed there was no baby.
I just started crying, the poor doctor trying to be so understanding.
He was so sweet.
He said I would probably officially miscarry in a few days.
I went to the car and called my husband... crying and crying.
I'm not a crier!
I was not okay.
My husband tried to console me.
My mom and sisters tried to console me too.
But I was so sad.

Then next day my doctor called again and said my hcg hormones were so high it didn't look like my body would miscarry on it's own.

 I needed a D/C.

That night I went in and had the procedure done and went home.

At this point I was sad.

But I was thinking give me 6-8 weeks and we would start trying for a baby again.
I can do this, no big deal.

Then I got a call from my doctor a few days later telling me I had a molar pregnancy.

What?? What??

What is that?
I had never heard of such thing!

You can learn about it  here.

My doctor gave me a lot of information.

Then I did a lot of research.

So basically the tissue that was growing in my uterus a.k.a not baby

Could cause me to get a disease called trophoblastic disease..which can turn into cancer.

Yay me...right?!

I needed to have 6-12 months of blood tests to make sure I didn't develop this disease.
And if I did developed it, I would need chemo.
Woohoo.
I felt devastated.
I had never had this kind of thing happen.
No health problems ever.
No previous miscarriages.
Why was this happening?!
So I started my blood tests
The only way to monitor whether or not you get this disease is through your hcg levels.
My first  hcg levels were at 160,000.

I needed to get to negative...negative is 4 or under.
I had to go in once a week to have my blood tested.
It took 8 weeks to get to negative.

This meant I probably wan't going to get the disease.
a real YAY!

But I had to continue testing for 6 more months just to make sure.
From here I went in once a month.
Thankfully, every month my test showed negative
 As of a couple weeks ago I passed my 6 month test!

I'm cleared!
Yay!
I feel so grateful I'm healthy and there were no other complications.
I know this isn't the for some women,
and my heart goes out to them.

In these last 9 months there have been lots of ups and downs.
Birth control pills, that made me so sick I could barely get out of bed.
It felt like my hormones were all over the place.
It was crazy, and hard.
But I made it through.
Funny how time can heal you.
Know the saying "time heals all wounds"?
Well, it really is true, in my case anyway.

I'm not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me.
I'm totally fine, I'm actually really good.
I guess I more did this for make people more aware.
Women have miscarriages every day.
I hadn't had one before,
I didn't realize how it would effect me.
Having to deal with the miscarriage is sad and hard all on it's own,
But then to add possible disease and cancer takes it to a whole new level.
 The worry of what's happening to your body feels really intense.
Well it did for me anyway.
Now, I feel way more sympathetic towards to others going through infertility, miscarriage or disease.
At times life is so hard and can feel so cruel.
If  you are going through something hard...I mean who isn't..right?!
I feel for you.
Please hang in there and keep your head up.
I believe it does get better.
Just give it time.